So I asked him: what is the most common question you get from men?
"Easy," he told me. "Why are women so complicated?"
I smiled, pondered this for a second, then asked: "What's the most common question you get from women?"
"Why don't men understand me?"
This time, I busted up laughing. Hey, at least we all agree on one thing: Men don't get women.
'What's not to get?', I'm sure most of you ladies are thinking as you read this. 'We're not that complicated.'
No, you're not. It's just that men and women think differently about things. Women think about the minute, intricate details of events -
men just see the big picture and gloss over everything else. Men are impulsive - women think things through, step by step. Men don't dwell
on things - women are sensitive. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, men and women are different. Opposites attract,
but they're also the reason we have so much damn trouble understanding each other.
So why not the other day around? Why aren't men wondering why women don't understand them?
Simple. Men know that women don't understand them, and we're OK with that.
No, this isn't turning into some battle of the sexes where I tell women to get over it, just accept that they're nuts and move on. Not at all.
You see, the reason men don't understand women is that whole paying attention to detail example I used earlier. Because we don't pay attention
to the little details - it's not that we don't care, it's just that we're not programmed that way - we miss the bigger picture . i.e., what you're all about!
So, we're going to take this opportunity to give every man reading this a little reboot, and every woman reading this some hope.
Men - if you could, just for haha's, give my your gut response when I ask you what you liked best about the last woman you dated.
Men know that women don't understand them
Her smile?
Her smell?
Her breasts?
Her legs?
Maybe I didn't nail it specifically, but I came pretty damn close.
You see, when you ask men a question like that, you typically get a physical characteristic (or something that has a physicality to it) as a
gut reaction. I'm fairly confident few of you said, "the way she always knows just the right thing to say to make me relax after a particularly
stressful day at work." If you did, you're either really in touch with you're feminine side or you're gay. Either way, kudos . now move on.
For the other 95-percent of you, there's nothing wrong with your answer. It was honest. But it should help you to see that typically, men think
of the surface whereas women think in layers.
When your girlfriend asks you what color you want to paint the bathroom, you think in browns and greens. You don't think in chocolate, taupe
and moss.
Same with specific questions, which is where they get you every time.
The key to understanding women is specifics. That's it. That simple. They like details, because simple yes and no answers keep them guessing, and
women hate, hate, HATE feeling in the dark.
Don't fight me on this, ladies, because you know I'm right.
So, They ask a specific question, you give a specific answer.
A few examples:
She: Where do you want to go to dinner?
This is my favorite. My typical response, and we all do this is . 'Wherever. I don't care!'
Wrong. She asked YOU where YOU want to do for dinner, not where you want her to decide you're going for dinner.
Instead, name a restaurant. Come on. You know one you like. Name it! If she likes it, she'll ask you more often and you'll wind up getting to eat
more places you enjoy. If she hates it, she wont ask again and you'll be able to cross one question you hate having to constantly answer off your list.
Example Two:
She: How was your day at work.
Typical He: Good, so-so or bad.
These are not answers.
"I got the promotion I was up for. I can't wait to get started," "We didn't really do too much today. Half the staff was out at meetings," "The new
office assistant they hired sucks. I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get anything done." These are answers . answers that stop the whole, "you never
tell me anything about your day" conversation.
Finally, the clincher:
She: Do I look fat in this?
Note to women: This is a cruel question. Please, if you know what's good for you, just stop asking.
Now, men, that said, some ladies with still ask. Stay calm.
Don't answer yes . you're liable to get slapped. If you say now, they'll try to dig deeper, fishing for compliments.
Here's the trick. Any women who's likely to look fat in something isn't going to ask. She's too smart for that. The women who ask look good.
They know they look good. They're just testing you to see if you notice the . what's that word again . oh yeah! Specifics.
For example, try: "Honey, you know you look good in that. It's your favorite skirt." Or how about, "Those jeans were calling your name in the store
when you got them last week."
Specifics. See, they aren't really asking if they look fat? They could be saying, "blab la blab la blab la bla." They just want to see if you're
paying attention, and a specific answer like that gives them nowhere to go!
Call it a crash course in womenhood. Call it trickery. The point is that women don't necessarily need to be "understood," they just need to given a
closer look. When you look at things deeper, when you're attentive and pay attention, the risk of pissing them off is far less. And who wouldn't like
a whole lot less fighting and a whole lot more loving?