But the best resolutions-and, truth be told, you really don't need to wait until the
first of the year to make a resolution-are resolutions you have a deep, nagging need to
stand behind. And since this time of year tends to bring with it a deep rooted need to
find love, what better resolution to make than the one I'm about to suggest.
Read this aloud: 'I will no longer prevent myself from finding a relationship.'
I know you're probably sitting there wondering-'Who stands in the way of their own
relationship?' A ton of people, you'd be shocked to find. myself included.
Yes, after months of preaching to you about relationship advice-how to navigate a chat
room, how to read an online profile, how to enjoy a first date, what to say, do and
think-I came to the realization that while, in theory, I was doing everything right,
in practice, I was shooting myself in the foot.
Why? Reason number one of the five listed below was my vice. For you, it might be
something different. Read on, and if you've caught yourself doing any of the follow,
jump back to our mantra for the New Year and repeat. Some of these are so second
nature, you probably don't even realize you're doing them.
I Will Not Let Fear Dictate What I Will and Wont Say
Yeah, I did it. Asked someone out, but didn't use the word "date." Showed up and quickly
formed the assumption that they didn't agree to a date, they agreed to dinner. Had a good
time but never clarified. Weeks-hell, two months-passed and I finally got up the nerve to
say, 'Hey remember that time I asked you to dinner.' The response? 'I was hoping it was
a date but you didn't say anything so I didn't push it.' I always say that the worst that
can happen by your being honest is nothing. no one's going to kill you over speaking your
heart. But obviously, in this case, fear kept me quiet. and also out of what could have
been more than just friendship for a couple of months. Speak up, folks. keeping your mouth
shut never did anyone any good.
I Will Not Assume I Have the Answer
And this really is an extension of the last edict. Assuming you know what someone wants,
what someone's really thinking, what someone should be saying is dangerous ground. Your mind
will constantly play games with you. Just as wanting something to be true doesn't make it so,
insisting you know what is going on in someone else's head doesn't make you right. In fact,
it makes you stupid. Stop second guessing thoughts and just go with the flow. Speak what's
on your mind and listen for their response-you might be surprised by what's really going on
if you slow down and pay attention.
I Will Not Go Nuts With a Relationship Before it Exists
We see it all the time-people who enjoy a few fun dates together and suddenly proclaim their
couple hood. 'We're moving in.' We're getting married.' Yikes! I'm not saying love at first
sight doesn't exist, but I am saying that moving too fast-in this case, way too fast-is often
the relationship kiss of death. It's particularly risky when only one of you is moving full
speed ahead. If you're meant to be a pair, let it happen organically. I firmly believe the
phrase "slow and steady wins the race" was tailor made for relationships. Now: take note!
That doesn't mean I'm preaching that you be sluggish with your emotions. Be honest about how
you feel. Just know that every declaration of love doesn't need to be matched by a huge leap
forward!
I Will Not Set Unreasonable Standards
One of the biggest complaints I hear from people when they first start dating is that someone
'isn't good enough', 'isn't classy enough', 'doesn't make enough money.' Some standards are
fine-it shows you have an idea of what you want out of life. Some standards are simply unfair.
In stead of going into a dating situation with a magnifying glass, looking high and low for
someone's fatal flaw, take a step back and focus on what you do like about the person. If you
put your energy into that (instead of focusing on what could potentially be wrong down the road),
you'll find that the little things that bother you now might not bother you then. Besides, do
you really want to live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop?
And finally. Most Important of All
I Will Not Spend the Year Lamenting the Fact that I Haven't Found Love
We've all done it-every last one of us. And why not? It's really easy to fall into the trap of
complaining about being alone. The problem is, not only does it do us no good-it does us a
disservice. Why? Because every time we put out a negative vibe ('No one likes me', 'What am I
doing wrong', 'I'm destined to die alone'), everything we put out becomes negative-and negativity
is not attractive. You wear your negativity on your face, in your shoulders, in the way you move,
and people read that body language. Instead, try this tactic-'I'm happy being with me'!
Relationships should be a bonus for a job well done-the icing on the cake when you're reader for
dessert. That other half we all talk about is a misleading statement, because it implies you
weren't whole before they came along. You can't go through life waiting for someone to complete
you. You have to be complete on your own.
Chin up-every last one of these decrees is extremely doable. Put your mind to it-you'll be
surprised what you can make happen with a bit of extra attention.