Self Help Guide for Online Newcomers
I admit it. I'm a profile whore. I logged onto the Web yesterday to check my endless string of profiles
(Facebook, MySpace, MegaMates, Connexion, etc.) and found something strange-a friend I hadn't talked to
in months had requested me as a friend. on three different sites.
So I explored his profiles and found something more shocking. they were all brand new.
I had to know. Was he really a Web virgin? Could it possibly be that my 28-year-old friend was brand new to the
www. Not just new to profiling, it turns out. new to everything. He'd never had a profile, never chatted, instant
messaged a handful of times and was a complete foreigner to the world of online dating.
But it's never too late to get in the game
I felt like I was playing wise old caterpillar, telling him what sites to visit, how to approach people, how often to
log on and what to say. He had so many questions, it made me think. doesn't everybody when they first hop online? Though
I'm from the old school of logging on-I've been doing it since connecting from my parent's computer, which didn't even
have the programs necessary to properly access a chat room-some things never change, and if this is your first time
checking out an internet dating site, there's some things you should know going in.
Say a Lot Without Saying Much
You can speak volumes about yourself without ever actually getting too specific. Favorite artists without telling people
which concert you're going to be at. Likes and dislikes without getting into the personal stories which brought you there.
A description of your neighborhood without giving out the street address. The idea here is that, online, you have a chance
to paint yourself as a whole person without giving someone the opportunity to get to know everything about you before
they've met you. Leave some mystery-it's also, frankly, an all around safer way of approaching life on the web.
No Email is a Bad Email
In a world where you can report bad guys to Webmasters and block a user the second he pisses you off, why wouldn't you take
the time to at least say hi to everyone who takes the time to email you. Sure, said someone might not be your type. But they
may work at your company, belong to a club you just have to join or work for a charity you're dying to get involved with.
Though may of us are online to date, there are other reasons for chatting with people. Leaving yourself open to possibilities
expands your horizons.
Why Stop With One Photo
Sure, a killer first photo is a way to stop traffic-but an equally good second, third or even fourth photo will get that
traffic to take a look around the place. In the wonderful modern world of soft lighting, makeup and Photoshop, almost
anyone can take a good photo. But it's pretty hard for someone to take several great photos. Let them see all sides of
you-that's the surest way of getting someone to dig into your profile.
Join Chat Sessions
Emailing back and forth is all well and good-and certainly a good way to initiate conversation-but the best way to
really see what makes someone tick is to engage them in chat. Chat requires someone to think on their feet, and it's
as close as it gets to having a real conversation without talking on the phone or meeting in person. What to chat about?
Anything really. exes and anything too heavy should probably wait for a few chats, at least, but this is really your
space to shine.
Play With the Search Tools
So many people limit themselves to chatting with who's online at the moment. Why stop there? Few people actually
sit at their computer logged into chat rooms all day. That's what the search tool is for. Type in some information
that describes the type you're looking for and voila-it's like an online mini mall. Why stop at physical appearance
only? Now sites will let you get extra specific with hobbies, shared interests and more. Send a few emails to people
you want to learn more about. It's a great way to play the field without committing to an afternoon on the web.
Nail Down a Pop Culture Reference
The thing about pop culture is you can work it into damn near any conversation. Chances are you can quote When
Harry Met Sally and most people will get it-maybe for you it's Fast Times at Ridgemont High, American Pie or a
line from your favorite song. Pop culture is brilliant in that everyone stops to figure out where they know that
reference from-and while they're doing that, they're looking at your profile. Just stop short of calling yourself
the spitting image of Catherine Zeta, or hotter than Brad Pitt. unless, of course, you're telling the truth.
That's not pop culture. That's egotistical.
Offer Some Clever Suggestions About the Future
Be witty-whether you're talking about the dream date you can't wait to take someone on, your idea of a killer
vacation or a vivid picture of where you see yourself in 20 years, ambition is a very attractive quality. If you
can match it with an attractive picture, people will be irresistible to your charms. Make it clear what you want
out of life and what you're looking for. better yet, make it clear these are things you'd like to share with
someone. It's a clever way to get them to stop imagining you as a solo and imagine themselves somewhere in
the picture.
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