Dating Musts for the New Year. Five Promises You Must Make to Find Love in the New Year.
New Years Resolutions are a funny thing-frankly, I often wonder if people make them out of habit. something we do but don't
really put a lot of energy behind. A promise to stop smoking might last til' February is you don't put much thought into it.
You might manage to stop saying negative things about people a bit longer-that is until someone rubs you the wrong way!
But the best resolutions-and, truth be told, you really don't need to wait until the first of the year to make a resolution-are
resolutions you have a deep, nagging need to stand behind. And since this time of year tends to bring with it a deep rooted need
to find love, what better resolution to make than the one I'm about to suggest.
Read this aloud: 'I will no longer prevent myself from finding a relationship.'
I know you're probably sitting there wondering-'Who stands in the way of their own relationship?' A ton of people, you'd be
shocked to find. myself included.
Yes, after months of preaching to you about relationship advice-how to navigate a chat room, how to read an online profile,
how to enjoy a first date, what to say, do and think-I came to the realization that while, in theory, I was doing everything
right, in practice, I was shooting myself in the foot.
Why? Reason number one of the five listed below was my vice. For you, it might be something different. Read on, and if you've
caught yourself doing any of the follow, jump back to our mantra for the New Year and repeat. Some of these are so second
nature, you probably don't even realize you're doing them.
I Will Not Let Fear Dictate What I Will and Wont Say
Yeah, I did it. Asked someone out, but didn't use the word "date." Showed up and quickly formed the assumption that
they didn't agree to a date, they agreed to dinner. Had a good time but never clarified. Weeks-hell, two months-passed and I
finally got up the nerve to say, 'Hey remember that time I asked you to dinner.' The response? 'I was hoping it was a date but
you didn't say anything so I didn't push it.' I always say that the worst that can happen by your being honest is nothing. no
one's going to kill you over speaking your heart. But obviously, in this case, fear kept me quiet. and also out of what could
have been more than just friendship for a couple of months. Speak up, folks. keeping your mouth shut never did anyone any good.
I Will Not Assume I Have the Answer
And this really is an extension of the last edict. Assuming you know what someone wants, what someone's really thinking, what
someone should be saying is dangerous ground. Your mind will constantly play games with you. Just as wanting something to be
true doesn't make it so, insisting you know what is going on in someone else's head doesn't make you right. In fact, it makes
you stupid. Stop second guessing thoughts and just go with the flow. Speak what's on your mind and listen for their response-you
might be surprised by what's really going on if you slow down and pay attention.
I Will Not Go Nuts With a Relationship Before it Exists
We see it all the time-people who enjoy a few fun dates together and suddenly proclaim their couple hood. 'We're moving in.' We're
getting married.' Yikes! I'm not saying love at first sight doesn't exist, but I am saying that moving too fast-in this case, way
too fast-is often the relationship kiss of death. It's particularly risky when only one of you is moving full speed ahead. If
you're meant to be a pair, let it happen organically. I firmly believe the phrase "slow and steady wins the race" was tailor made
for relationships. Now: take note! That doesn't mean I'm preaching that you be sluggish with your emotions. Be honest about how
you feel. Just know that every declaration of love doesn't need to be matched by a huge leap forward!
I Will Not Set Unreasonable Standards
One of the biggest complaints I hear from people when they first start dating is that someone 'isn't good enough', 'isn't classy
enough', 'doesn't make enough money.' Some standards are fine-it shows you have an idea of what you want out of life. Some standards
are simply unfair. In stead of going into a dating situation with a magnifying glass, looking high and low for someone's fatal flaw,
take a step back and focus on what you do like about the person. If you put your energy into that (instead of focusing on what could
potentially be wrong down the road), you'll find that the little things that bother you now might not bother you then. Besides, do
you really want to live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop?
And finally. Most Important of All
Texting
Some would call this the precursor to the phone call, but in a text happy era-one filled with Blackberries and iPhones
and Cue's, oh my-getting a text might be one of the most intimate forms of chat out there. One thing is certain-if they
go so far as to pop the question (in this case, 'What are your digits'?), you can pretty much guarantee they like what
they've seen and heard so far. This is your opportunity to get a bit flirty and tempt them. Into what, you might ask?
Into calling you, of course. Which means.
Don't Spend the Year Lamenting that you Haven't Found Love
We've all done it-every last one of us. And why not? It's really easy to fall into the trap of complaining about being
alone. The problem is, not only does it do us no good-it does us a disservice. Why? Because every time we put out a
negative vibe ('No one likes me', 'What am I doing wrong', 'I'm destined to die alone'), everything we put out becomes
negative-and negativity is not attractive. You wear your negativity on your face, in your shoulders, in the way you move,
and people read that body language. Instead, try this tactic-'I'm happy being with me'! Relationships should be a bonus
for a job well done-the icing on the cake when you're reader for dessert. That other half we all talk about is a
misleading statement, because it implies you weren't whole before they came along. You can't go through life waiting for
someone to complete you. You have to be complete on your own.
Chin up-every last one of these decrees is extremely doable. Put your mind to it-you'll be surprised what you can make
happen with a bit of extra attention.
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