The Single Person's Check List
Things You Should Know, Try and Experience Before Uttering the C Word (Commitment for those of you not in the know)
Just ask anyone-for all the many months you've spent pining away for a committed relationship, the minute you actually
take that final step, you stress about your youth being gone. 'Did I do enough while I was single'? 'Date enough
people'? 'Am I really ready to have sex with this person and only this person for the rest of my life'?
It sounds terrible-and we all do it. Why? Because we always want what we suddenly can't have. It's called human nature.
While there's no fool proof plan to make that feeling of being trapped go away entirely, before you utter that 'c' word
and disappear into coupledom completely, there are a few things we recommend trying solo to help prepare you for this
next stage of your life. So whether this special someone you're contemplating committing to is an online friend, someone
you met at a bar or the cousin of your sister's fiancé, tap the breaks on your relationship ever so slightly and try a few
of these suggestions on for size. If they don't prep you for life as a pair, nothing will.
Couple's Getaway, Party of One?
It happened to me, so I'm insisting it should happen to you. Mine was a couples weekend. if you feel you only need subject
yourself to partners bowling of a couple's wine tasting daytrip, by all means, but I can tell you this. nothing makes you
missed your loved one like being trapped in a room with 20 blissfully happy couples and having no one to share it with.
Of course, if you're looking to talk yourself out of the big C, you could always go to a couple's therapy retreat. Now
those are really no fun.
Take a Life Changing Vacation
Sure, people travel to relax, unwind, take a load off, get away from their job for one blissful, glorious week of
uninterrupted peace. But another reason people travel is to find themselves-sounds cheesy, but it's true. Experiencing
other cultures-life outside your personal bubble-is a way to truly connect with who you are and what you want out of
life. It's an easy, enjoyable way to set priorities and figure out what's really important. If at the end of said trip
you're still itching to settle down, chances are you'll know it's for real.
Face Fear
and Make It a Big One - There's something about conquering a fear that makes you suddenly feel like you can take on the
world. So whether you sign up for Fear Factor, jump out of a plane, tell mom you're gay or go a week and a half without
the support of chocolate, taking the bull by the balls and suddenly looking your fear in the face will make you more
equipped than ever to dodge the curve balls life throws at you. And believe me-anyone who thinks commitments aren't
filled with curve balls is kidding himself.
Splurge on Something That's Just for You
They say when you have kids, there go the personal purchases. right out the window. Hint! That starts the minute you move
in with someone else. Suddenly someone's looking over your shoulder and eyeing your expenses, wondering how much the purse
you just snuck in from the car cost, wanting to know if that monthly golf course membership might not be better spent on a
washer and dryer. Before you hand over your finances to the relationship Gods completely, go out and splurge on something
you've always wanted. That will help to curb whatever resentment you have the next time someone demands you skip the
Nordie's Half Yearly Sale.
Embrace Singledom. No, We Mean It
If you have spent at least six months of your adult life without a significant other, feel free to skip to our next suggestion.
If you haven't, this one is for you and only you. Relationships are a tricky beast, further complicated if all you bring to the
table is knowledge of who you are as one half of a pair. That doesn't work-not when you're starting a new relationship. The only
way to embark on a new relationship is to know who you are and how you tick as a party of one. If you're one of those chronic
bouncers who never feels complete unless you're "with someone", before you jump into a new relationship, try getting
to know you again. for at least six months.
Bunk With Someone-Perhaps for a Week
Not a hook up. more like a friend, perhaps someone you don't have to see all that often, just to get a handle on basics folks
often overlook-like sharing a bathroom, remembering not to flush when someone's in the shower, trying to sleep through the
pesky alarm that seems to go off five, six, seven times a morning. This one might be tricky to orchestrate-I suggest the old 'my
house is being fumigated, do you mind' technique. It worked for me before I moved in with my ex-and before you ask; I hadn't
done one through five on this list yet.
And finally.
Make Peace With Your Past Relationships
I don't care if you blame yourself, you blame the other person, and you blame the world for crushing whatever relationships you
have stashed away in the closets of your mind. You cannot move forward successfully until you're put all of your past relationships
behind you. If that means calling up exes and telling them where to go, so be it. If you have to sleep with someone one last time,
call him and tell him you miss him. Apologies to make-better get your pen ready. But in all seriousness, the best way to get over
a past relationship is to have a conversation with an unbiased party about what went wrong. Sometimes getting your thoughts out in
the open is really the best medicine.
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