Get Your Chat Style Under Control
Call or text? Long winded e-mail or keep it short and sweet? You can go round and round for hours with the best means
of communication when you're dating someone and never arrive at a fitting answer.
The fact of the matter is, how you chat is key to the success of any new relationship-especially when you consider how many
people in today's dating market meet soon to be significant others online. Instead of 10 minutes of getting to know you while
leaning up against the bar nursing a martini, people rely on chat rooms, Instant Message, text messaging and e-mail to put
their best foot forward. And while there's something refreshing about the idea that you can "look your best" and
never change out of your pajamas, don't confuse hiding behind your chat with being a sure bet you're coming off your best.
Just as people ramble on about nothing and stammer, stutter and screw up first impressions, the art of chat takes skill and focus.
Making sure you chat your best isn't difficult, but it isn't as easy as click, click, send. Consider the following.
Spell Check: It's Not Just a Suggestion
I make my living as a professional writing and my e-mails and chat are frequently littered with mistakes. Why? Because I usually
send off quick notes to people while I'm in the middle of doing something else, and splitting my attention between two tasks is
easier said than done. Now not everyone out there walks through life with a grammar, spelling and punctuation merit badge, but
for some, an inability to write a coherent e-mail is a deal breaker. No one's saying you have to be James Joyce, but whether
you're pouring you heart out or simply confirming a Friday lunch date, ten seconds with the spell check and a quick once over
can prevent you from coming off like an idiot.
Chat Means Short and Sweet
Every time I get an e-mail from my mother, I have the sudden urge to knock back a shot of Whiskey and settle in for the night.
It's not that she doesn't mean well, it's that she goes on, and on, and on-never seeming to arrive at a point. Can you imagine
my frustration if those endless emails were coming from someone I'd just started dating? Get to the point. Don't ramble on and
on! If you have something to say that requires you speak your mind, consider doing it in person. or at least preface your emails
with a warning. That said.
Do Make Sure Your E-mails Say Something
Is there anything worse that sending that e-mail you've spent all afternoon trying to get just right and having the guy or girl
you're smitten with respond by saying, 'K'? 'Sounds good'. 'Aight'. I get that people are in a hurry. With half of corporate
America answering e-mails on their Blackberries while waiting for the light to change, we're frankly damn lucky we hear back
from people at all. But it takes two minutes to formulate a simple, 'I'm heading into a meeting. Can I call you tonight'? At
the very least, that says, 'I want to take the time to talk to you, I just don't have time right now'. And in most
relationships-especially new ones-people tend to stress about the most minor things. Sending e-mails that took the slightest
bit of thought give people one less thing to sweat.
Too Many Chat Windows Can Spell Disaster
Imagine you're chatting with your sister, your boss, one of the guys from your college frat and a girl you've been dating for
a few weeks. Get distracted for one second and your entire life can go to hell. This is assuming, of course, that there are
things you'd tell one of these people that you wouldn't tell others. We've all been victims of typing the wrong thing in the
wrong window at the wrong time, so to alleviate the pressure of screwing up, when you're chatting with someone you're dating,
it's probably best to cease conversation with others for a time-use the old 'on a conference call' excuse if people keep
pestering you.
What is Appropriate Chat Conversation?
I hear from people time and time again that the reason they prefer chatting online to talking on the phone is that it allows
them to say things they might not have the guts to say out loud. And while it's a very valid reason, consider that some things
are still better left discussed in person-or at least when someone has the added benefit of hearing that intonation of your
voice. E-mails, chats and instant messages are misinterpreted constantly. Sarcasm comes off as cruelty. An innocent joke might
be taken seriously. And when you consider you might be chatting with someone you've never even had a real conversation with,
best to keep the over the top quips and comments that could be construed as just plain mean to a minimum. Let your personality
come shining through, for sure-just don't let chat replace many other valued means of communication.
Know When to Fold 'Em
Most people (unless they're simply socially clueless) have a pretty good idea of when enough's enough. Whether it's a the girl
dumping the drink you just bought her on your head or the guy shifting his focus to his buds, effectively closing you out of
his inner circle, when a pick-up's gone bust, it's rather obvious. For chatting online, it's a bit tougher to tell. Some signs
they're not interested or playing games.
They answer questions with one or two words and never ask you any.
Every time you suggest hanging out or talking on the phone, the chat ends.
They know a heck of a lot more about you than you do about them.
The statement, 'Great profile. How's it going'? is met with a simple 'Thanks'!
After ten attempts at contacting them, you've yet to hear back.
OK, so some of these may seem obvious, but you'd be shocked how many people beat their heads against a brick wall
hoping for some kind of response. Wouldn't you rather focus on putting your energies into something with possibility
than wasting your time chatting up someone who's not into you? Above all else, be yourself. Sometimes, people view
online dating as a way to be someone else. And that's fun, for a time. But when you decide to take that chat session to
the next level, it's a lot harder to play someone else in person. Be you from the get go and you'll find future dates
are a whole lot more enjoyable.
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