Common Relationship Killers How to Avoid the Pitfalls of a Failed Relationship
So many dating articles devote word after word to what makes a good relationship, but so few talk about what kills a good
thing. We all know relationships aren't easy-but few of us actually know what it is that gets a seemingly perfect situation
off course. Of course, there's no one reason a relationship fails, but after talking to a number of relationship advice
columnists and picking their brains for the questions they're most commonly asked about love, sex and relationships, we
think we've got a pretty good idea what causes the end of most relationships.
Want to avoid the end of something good? Check out some of the hurdles you might want to overcome.
No one likes a control freak-especially someone who micromanages every last move. Telling someone else what
to wear, what to do, how to behave-acting like a parent; that's not a relationship. And there's no faster way to drive someone
away than by confusing those two roles. Tough as it might be for you to take a step back and let life alone, try and take a
deep breath, control what you can and leave the rest to fate.
Relationships take time-something most people on the dating scene claim to have none of. Why else do you think
so many people are turning to the Web, speed dating, phone chat and dating services to find that special someone? Life isn't
going to get any easier, but you can make it a point to commit what time you can spare to your special someone. Instead of
letting life pull you in 1,000 different directions, try your best to devote sometime to what's really important-you . after
all, that's why you're dating.
No one in a relationship has ever claimed to be a mind reader-those who have are lying. Sure, over time, you get to know your
significant other inside and out. But that doesn't give you permission to stop talking just because you think someone else knows
what you're thinking. If anything, communication is just a polite way of telling that someone you're dating
that they're still important-that what they think counts. When you cut off communication, it sends the message your relationship
is no longer important to you.
Of course, there's always the possibility your relationship really isn't that important to you-which is why while you're
communicating, you should take time to chat with yourself. What is it you want in a relationship? If you aren't getting it,
why stay? Denial kills more relationships than anything else, and believe me-if you aren't happy, pretty soon,
they won't be happy.
Folks have been known to suggest that giving up the goods on (or before) the first date might not be such a good
idea. I second that motion. Now I don't mean to come off as some sort of puritanical prude, but stop a second to think. If all
you're looking for is sex, that's fine-go out and get laid. But if you're in the market for something more, take the time to get
to know that person first instead of confusing your emotions and making that already difficult task of finding someone worse. Sex
is fun-even better when there's something behind it.
If communication is the key to any relationship, then lying is the one thing people seem to have the most trouble forgiving.
Ask any couple who's been together through think and thin and they'll tell you trust is essential. Without trust, you have
nothing, and lying eliminates all semblance of trust. White lies, big lies-they all add up, and if you aren't
being up front and honest with your partner, pretty soon, it will catch up with you.
The divorce rate has soared to more than 50%, so I think it's pretty obvious people aren't fighting to the finish to save
relationships like they perhaps used to-because when the going gets tough, folks wind up in divorce court.
The same can be said for new relationships-they take work, and if you aren't willing to put in the time and effort, yours just
might wind up dying on the vine.
Finally, a shocking revelation that I think most people know but don't care to fess up to. Hard as relationships are to navigate,
harder still is the fact that most people wind up in relationships before they even realize what they're getting into. A
relationship means you're a couple, maybe you live together, get a dog, take weekend getaways as a pair. It does not mean
you went on three dates and are hopelessly devoted to each other. Proceed with caution is the best advice to offer here. Love takes
time, as they say, so don't go declaring your undying devotion before you've thought things through first.
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