So often in relationships, and particularly it seems in relationships that start online, the lines that connect love, lust
and just having fun are among the most blurred we'll ever have to navigate.
If he tells you he loves you in the heat of passion, does he really mean it or is it just a knee jerk reaction? Does three
dates technically mean a couple's seeing each other? And at what point during sexual relations do you two become "more
than just friends."
Pose any of these questions to anyone who's ever navigated the murky waters of love and you'll probably get a different answer.
Who cares if you crash and burn as long as you have a good time. Practice makes perfect. Keep some of these mantras in mind while
you're amping yourself up to get back out there and see what the world has to offer. And try a few of these tips on for size to
make the dating scene a lot less scary . and a whole lot easier.
How many of you have ever been in a relationship where you though the two of you were on the fast track to love, the exchange of
rings and happily ever after when the person you're dating introduces you to someone as "we're just dating." Or maybe
you've been sharing someone's bed for a matter of weeks and the first time you two try a real date, you're introduced
as "boyfriend/girlfriend" or yet some other label that locks you in as "the one"?
Sucks, doesn't it, not just because it's awkward, because it's maddening? I mean, how exactly do you explain your way out of
being someone's "significant other" once they've dreamed of white picket fences and your joint pet Fido? It's tough,
but not impossible.
The only sure fire way to know where you stand throughout the course of a relationship is communication, rule number one.
It's typically the first rule in any talk of relationships, but it's particularly important here! Why? Because, unless you
talk about what you're looking for - unless you have even the slightest clue what this person you've been spending time with is
looking for - you could be traveling down completely different paths, which typically means you're on a direct course toward
disaster.
Consider your first chat with someone on the World Wide Web. Behind chat window number one is someone who craves long walks
on the beach, candlelight and conversation and is looking for someone to spend the rest of eternity with. Behind window number
two? Someone who's into fun, games and no last names. If you're just out of a long term relationship and looking for no strings
fun, it's best to tell window number one and offer window number two fair warning so there's no chance of mistake.
But the communication needs to continue. If you find yourself returning for seconds and thirds and you get that thump in your
gut that you might be into this for more than just cheap thrills, instead of dropping loose hints that you're bucking for
commitment, isn't it wiser to open your mouth than risk heartbreak somewhere down the line?
Once you've communicated "how you really feel," were you honest? Honesty may sound like a lame tip for keeping your
labels in check, but we all know someone who's lied to their partner, and worst of all lied to themselves, about what they're
really looking for in a relationship. We all have that friend who wears their heart on their sleeve but says they're really
more the no strings attached sort. And of course, that friend looking for love who finds it, and dumps it, at multiple times
throughout the year out of fear.
Dating's hard enough without having to contend with someone who can't make up their mind. Before you can be honest with someone
else, you have to be honest with yourself. Don't tell someone you're looking for sex if what you really want is love. You won't
hurt them - you'll hurt yourself. Single men in particular have this problem. Is it so hard to admit you're in the market for
something more substantial than 'Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am?' Cuz come morning, she wont be the one who's hurting.
Make a list of the things about a relationship that make you smile. If you can trace a path down your list toward something long
term, fantastic. If every joy you get from dating seems to end in goodbye, there's no shame in that, but be up front about it.
A particular problem many people dating in this online era seem to have is opening their minds to possibility. Scroll through a
Web personal ad and watch how many people have narrowed the scope of what they're looking for to a tight, narrow box few couple
hope to fit into. Forget about falling into a label without knowing it. These people have gone ahead and labeled themselves for
you.
Rule number three: Be open minded. I know it's a concept few are accustomed to. You're taught to know what you want and not deviate
from that plan. But the phrase opposites attract had worked time and time again, and if you close your self off from the possibility
of all the fish this great sea has to offer, you might never know just who's out there waiting to meet you.
And finally, what I consider to be the golden rule. Don't just act on impulse - think. I might take a lot of heat for this one, but
consider what I'm saying for a second.
Anyone can hook up on a first date. It's our animal instinct to give into temptation. It takes guts to take things slow and end
date number one with a good night kiss and plans to give it a second go. 'But I'm just looking to get in, get off and get out,'
you might be thinking. Or what about, 'Who cares. I'm not looking for a commitment.'
Valid points, and if you are 100% certain this is all you're looking for with this person, by all means - have at it. But if
there's even the slimmest possibility you might be looking for more with this person, why give away the whole enchilada right
off the bat? Especially if you met this person online. Kick back, share a beer, exchange last names. There's plenty of time for
sex later. Why cement that what you're looking for is an orgasm before you even know what this person has to offer.
There are some people out there who can build a sexual attraction into something more substantial, but for most of us, going
from sex on date one to exchanging rings six months down the line is a bit more difficult. If you sense it might be a good idea
to hold off, do it. Nothing confuses the labels more than sex.
I won't kid you into thinking that following this advice is a sure fire plan to rid you of all relationship miscommunications.
But it will keep you on your toes and prevent you winding up in a relationship you didn't sign up for, or enlisting a partner
for life you plain didn't order.
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