But perhaps the only thing worse than coming to terms with being suddenly single again is the thought of jumping back
into the dating pool feet first.
Dating is scary, there's no doubt about it, but getting back into the game doesn't have to be pure hell.
Whether you jump right in with no hesitation or take things at a snail's pace for fear of getting hurt again, you aren't
the first and most certainly wont be the last person to find yourself suddenly hunting for a significant other. So rather
than going it alone, heed the advice of those before you while keeping your eyes peeled for "the one".
One of the major mistakes people make when getting out of a long-term relationship is jumping back into the swing of things
too soon. Think of a break-up like a wound. You don't fall off your roof and break your arm only to wake up the next morning
to finish pruning the trees. After the initial shock wears off, it takes time to heal, and speeding things along just because
you're afraid of being alone won't do you any favors.
You need time to grieve, and you can't do that with someone new on your arm. Whine, bitch, moan and complain to anyone who
will listen the first few days. Get it all out of your system. It may be a volatile 72 hours, but the sooner you get rid of
the anger, the better suited you'll be to move on when the time is right.
In fact, a study by Los Angeles based relationship guru Dr. Ava Cadell, who has been featured in magazines like
Cosmopolitanand on the E! network, shows that 75-percent of new relationships that start within six months of a nasty
break-up wont even make it a year. Think about the logic here. Your relationship failed. Don't you want to know why?
Maybe you want to take a deep breath and examine your priorities. Taking up with the first person who shows you a bit
of interest is the relationship kiss of death.
That said, you also don't need to be a hermit. Just because you aren't showing up on dates with your U-Haul doesn't mean
you should spend the next few months knitting scarves for relatives with only the company of a 40-watt bulb. Spend this
time going out with friends, exploring hobbies that interest you but that you don't typically have time to attempt. Hell,
if you're good at separating sex and love, get laid a few times. Getting out there in the world is medicine even the best
insurance can't buy, and by putting yourself out there to have a good time, chances of stumbling upon your next special
someone increase significantly.
Once a fair amount of time has past and you're starting to think about getting back on the horse, pay close attention to
the types of people who tend to grab your attention. Generally speaking, replacing your ex with a carbon copy isn't a good
idea. There's a reason you two broke up, and it's just a hunch, but most break ups happen when two people aren't right for
one another.
Instead of trying to swap out one failed lover for another, stay open minded. What you've typically thought of as
your "type" might not be working for you. Go back over in your mind the things that brought your last
relationship to an end. If you see yourself veering down a similar path again, put the breaks on.
This is also a good time to recruit the help of that very observant friend who always manages to tell you what you don't
want to hear but probably need to hear anyway. Friends tend to have a front row seat to drama when a relationship crumbles,
so they may have a good idea what sort of folks you need to be spending your time with.
So you've gotten all the anger out of your system, you've reconnected with your friends - you've had a good time and caught
someone's eye (hopefully, with a good friend's thumbs up). Now, time for the first date.
Rule #1: Do not, under any circumstance, bring up your ex.
I'm not saying forget about them entirely, but if this date goes well, you'll have plenty of time to rehash memories
and complaints in the future. This date is all about getting to know someone knew, and you can't do that with baggage
hanging on your back.
Rule #2: Go slow.
You might really like this person. Who knows? Do you really wanna ruin it by hitting the sheets on the first date.
Whether you've screwed your way through the last several months or kept sex on the back burner, sex on a first date
sends mixed signals, and when you've been out of the dating scene for a while, the fewer complications, the better.
Finally, don't expect too much.
Enjoy a good dinner, a night at the amusement park. Don't go into a first date looking for a ring or someone to spend
the next few months with. Best case scenario, this one's the next one. But friendships, memories and all sorts of good
stuff develop out of dates, and if you don't go into things with a fantasy brewing in your head, anything good that happens
is icing on the cake.
Most importantly, enjoy dating again. When you find someone worth the extra effort, you'll know. Until then, don't put
too much energy into finding the one. Besides, you never find them. They find you!
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