Everyone talks about looking for Mr. Right, the perfect woman, someone to spend "the rest of my life
with." It's what we should be looking for, right - the all American dream.
But have the audacity to admit you're looking for a good roll in the hay and watch jaws drop! Admitting you
like sex is like walking around with "The Scarlet Letter" tattooed to your chest. If you don't get laid you're
a prude, but the minute you do you're a whore.
The ladies of Sex in the City helped a bit - for the first time, enjoying sex was OK. But people (and particularly women)
tend to freeze up the minute the subject turns to sex, and daring to admit you'd rather get some than take a walk down the
aisle seems to be the ultimate cardinal sin. Screw it! Screw them. Hell, screw whomever you'd like. It's your life, and if
what you're looking for doesn't involve a white picket fence and 2.5 kids, what should you possibly be ashamed for. So long
as you respect yourself and play safe, what's the big deal?
The big deal is society. A 2003 study by the Sex Institute of New York shows that 67-percent of single men and 58-percent
of single women admit to being sexually active with more than one partner on a regular basis. But 68 and 77-percent of those
people, respectively, turned around and admitted to being embarrassed by their behavior.
The key to being sexually active and a success on the dating scene in the 21 st century is pride. If your
behavior embarrasses you, or you feel you should fit into some stereotype your peers have created, it will show. If you want
to play the field and maybe enjoy a good lay or three throughout the month, go with it.
Playing a prude on the surface then getting it on behind closed doors makes you're a hypocrite. Wouldn't you rather be open
and honest about your business? I'm not saying leave the door open for all to stare, but confidence in your sexual behavior
will do wonders for you and your sex life.
For one, being blunt about what you're looking for instead of playing some mind game will cut down on a lot of wasted,
unnecessary time spent looking. You'd be surprised how many people out there aren't looking for something "long term"
or are perfectly willing to be "up for whatever." If you know what you want, don't be afraid to express it.
That said, don't turn around and express it to every available set of loins that walk through the door. Have standards
and stick to them. When you're in the market for a relationship, certain things can be overlooked. Spare tires,
overbites, a tendency to snooze at the dinner table - small potatoes compared to eye-to-eye agreement on world politics. But
if what you're looking for is sexual compatibility, don't lower your standards just to score.
Just about anyone who has done the hook up thing will tell you a dozen nights of mediocre sex still pale in comparison to one
night of killer sex. Set the bar high and pursue the people you really want to "get to know." The chase may be
stressful at times, but oh, that payoff!
Contrary to common belief, there is a big difference between dating and hooking up, and you can do both simultaneously.
Who says just because you're "having a good time" doesn't mean you can't keep your eyes peeled for something worth a bit of
extra effort - or, God forbid, take your sexually compatible someone outside the bedroom every so often?
Just make sure your signals are clear. If all you want is sex, don't kick off the evening with roses, a poetry reading and candlelit
dinner at a romantic bistro you heard about from your married friend. Dates like these imply something more, and you don't want to
send mixed messages. That said, if, perhaps, you are interested in getting to know someone better, don't take them to bed the first
night. Yes, it's true, occasionally relationships can blossom out of sex, but they're rare, and it's far more likely to have a
relationship blossom out of actual dating.
If you really want to make a go of a swinging single life, keep your escapades on the down low. You can be upfront
about what your intentions are without selling your story all over town. Despite all the glamorized stories you're seen of cocky
bachelors whose player ways have inspired a mile long waiting list, you'll feel better about what you're interested in (and the people
who know what you're interested in will respect you more) if you're an adult about it. Save the locker room version for a few choice
friends.
I'd also like to say a quick word about sex online. More and more frequently, people shop for their candy on the Web. I wont plug
it or knock it. it's purely preferential. But I will say people online tend to take liberties with the truth. If
it looks to good to be true, it probably is. Photoshop, stock photography, creative writing classes and questionable math are all
methods people use to make their package look better. Though you're sure to score quickly, nothing beats being able to see the
merchandise before you take it for a spin.
Ultimately, all of this advice is pointless if you don't play responsibly. Unfortunately, birth control for women
and remembering to bring a condom for men simply isn't enough anymore. Sex is a dialogue - ask your potential partners if they've
been tested, how recently and what their status is. STD's no longer know boundaries, and the key to taking pride in what you want
is taking pride in yourself. By all means, have fun - just approach being sexually active with the respect it deserves.
Separating sex from emotion is tricky - it works well for some and it's a chore for others. If it feels right, you'll know, and
you'll probably get in some good practice while you're at it. Follow what your gut tells you - it's always your best guide.
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